Moon hoax believers - FAQ's

Your top 20 topics

(in no particular order)

I get lots of emails from moon hoax believers asking me questions about the moon landings. To save time in answering the same old questions over and over again, here are the 20 most frequently raised topics, together with a full scientific explanation that should satisfy even the most discerning hoax believer.

Q1. Why are there no stars in the sky in the photographs taken from the lunar surface?

A. Because it rains a lot on the Moon and the sky is very cloudy.

Q2. Why does the flag wave in the breeze if it's supposed to be in a vacuum?

A. Because the astronauts installed a huge compressed air fan to blow the flag to make it look realistic and to make them feel more at home.

Q3 Why can't the landers be seen by the Hubble Space telescope?

A. Because the fan keeps blowing dust over the landers and covering them over.

Q4 Why doesn't the Lunar Module show a jet flame when it takes off from the surface?

A. Because it didn't use a jet engine. They simply threw out bags of sand and drifted up.

Q5. The astronauts couldn't have controlled the lander during descent because the centre of gravity would change every time they moved.

A. The astronauts remained absolutely motionless in their seats during descent. They trained for this by eating very strong vindaloos and then taking a powerful laxative.

Q6. They could not have survived travelling through the Van Allen Belt without suffering from radiation sickness, or death, without a 6 feet thick solid lead shield.

A. You're right, they didn't. They mutated into incredibly hairy monsters and spend their days in a secret laboratory as guinea pigs for a well known anti-dandruff shampoo company. The 'astronauts' that are seen in public life are in fact robots.

Q7. NASA killed the astronauts that were going to reveal the hoax.

A. No, that was the robots they killed. They were about to spill the beans about the shampoo testing on the mutant astronauts.

Q8. The landers should have kicked up a lot of dust when landing, but there is no sign of any dust on the landers in the photographs.

A. The astronauts were under very strict instructions from NASA's PR people to wash down the landers before any photographs were taken. Their sponsors, a well known anti-dandruff shampoo company, insisted on this measure and donated the specially made rejuvenating and colour restoring cleaning mousse for dusty landers. (Contrary to popular belief, NASA actually stands for Natural Anti-dandruff Shampoo Applications.)

Q9. The astronauts would not have been able to make footprints on the lunar surface as the dust would be too dry.

A. It wouldn't be too dry, it rains a lot on the Moon, but the footprints around the landers were not made in dust anyway. It was in fact dandruff swept out of the lander. Space flight causes a terrible and embarrassing personal hair problem caused by passing though the deadly Van Allen Radiation Belts. Hence the experiments with shampoo.

Q10. The cross hairs on the photographs have been pasted on afterwards and go behind some objects. (Pasted on afterwards after and go behind......??? No, never mind)

A. No. The crosses were painted onto the lunar surface to mark out the landing sites.

Q11. The landers should have sunk deep into the lunar dust, but they didn't.

A. That's because the advance team that painted the crosses all over the landing site first had to sweep away all the dust.

Q12. The video shows Neil Armstrong climbing down the ladder and stepping onto the surface. If he was supposed to be the first man on the Moon, who took the video?

A. One of the advance team that painted the crosses stayed behind. They don't count.

Q13. Heat cannot escape in a vacuum, the astronauts would have fried to death in the sun.

A. See below.

Q14. Heat cannot travel through a vacuum, they would have frozen to death going into a shadow.

A. See above. ( They kept switching from sun to shadow every 9 minutes. Fat ones every 8 minutes).

Q15. The Moon rocks are just faked up Earth rocks.

A. No they're not. The astronauts were very disappointed to discover that the Moon does not have any rocks, so rather than appear foolish they used their initiative and dynamited a huge black monolith they just happened to find and brought back bits of that instead.

Q16. Some of the photographs show shadows from more than one light source, proving it was all shot in a film studio in the Nevada desert using multiple studio lights.

A. Not true. Unlike the Earth that has only one sun orbiting it, the Moon has two suns. This is also why we are able to see it from Earth during the daytime as well as at night.

Q17. They didn't have the computer technology in those days to get to the Moon and back.

A. You're right, they didn't. They secretly installed 3 mathematical geniuses behind the computer paneling.

Q18. If there were only two astronauts on the surface at any one time, who took the photographs, because none of the astronauts are seen holding a camera?

A. The mathematical geniuses would take it in turns to take the photographs when they popped outside to take a leak.

Q19. One of the moon rocks in the photo has the letter 'C' written on it, clearly showing it to be a film set prop.

A. No. One of the mathematical geniuses, Oswald (now a legend in mathematical circles) amused himself in an idle moment by peeing his initial onto the rock. He ran out of pee.

Q20. Are you taking the pee?

A. Are you?

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